everything that you do is not original.throughout the history of this worldsomeone has experienced what you are feeling.written the same thinghaving the same thoughts.everything that you see will influence you and every person you have talked to has filled in a part of your mind .i think there is a vacant hole in my mind just waiting for the right memory a person to fill it,the factor that keeps me going.sure i have people and things that i depend on .but in the end it seems like it will leave,and something else will take its place.all it does to my mind is cause a cloud of something that...is gray and smothering its not substantial.it is so shallow that i can see through it and know it will never last.You know that girl i used to be best friends with the one person that knew i had a xanga?the person that i thought just completed me..was that little nugget that would fill that space.well...im not sure, but shes not there anymore.if you dont know who im talking about and if
and it causes this,symptom.and i cant describe it not like i really want to..all i want is for you to just be there
looking at: this page, my kitty sleeping near the monitor.
smelling: how i smell..just took a shower
i have that clean just scrubbed feeling.
touching: the keys of this computer,which gives me power.
not like actual power. but something inside me sparks
when i do the whole xanga thing.
wanting: you you you you.
and a really good movie,
and cheesecake
but mostly.. you .
holding on to: some sort of hope that things in the end..
will make sense., i just want to know how to make other people...
understand me,....and stay in my life .
sooo im reading this book called the sociopath next door
and i feel like i know A TON of them..like literally not kidding
maybe not literally but i know that my mom is one..
has to be...read this..its like ..crazy..i would sort of like
having no conscience. no inner feelings of love and warmth.
no attachments.
but it seems sort of..
empty
hearing: hidaway - kareo o and the kids .
feeling: everything .
empathy
songs i listened to while writing this entry
- songs from where the wild things are-(karen o and the kids)
-oscar wilde - company of thieves
- i think about you everyday - a rocket to the moon
- so come back im waiting - okkervil river
- parachuca sunrise- minus the bear
- afterall - william fitzsimmons
- are you sure - willie nelson
- bon iver
- lost - anouk