the special two - missy higgins .
I've hardly been outside my room in days,
'cause I don't feel that I deserve the sunshine's rays.
The darkness helped until the whiskey wore away,
And it was then I realized the conscience never fades.
When you're young you have this image of your life:
That you'll be scrupulous and one day even make a wife.
And you make boundaries you'd never dream to cross,
And if you happen to you wake completely lost.im sorry for not posting lately..
its like for the last couple of months, everything stayed the same.
ups and downs, crying and laughing.
life.
but all that means is that the only change that can be made is
internally...cooped up inside myself, making myself crazy.
have you ever gone on the internet and looked up mental illnesses that you
might have, yes for some reason its entertaining
1)borderline personality disorder
2)anxiety disorder
....though i always miss two or 3 or the symptoms
all that means is that im two or three steps away
from being able to define who i am.
soon enough things change.
my life changes.
my dad is leaving for china.
im leaving for china in the summer(no im not asian)
ive been through this before.... being in a new place.
its like breathing again.
starting anew even just for a little while, its like heroin for me.
its like this week, the shiny new hurt
starting tapping at the bottle that it was stuck in
..tap tap tap..until finally it cracked open.
it sucks out all the old, and shows choices Ive made and where they will take me.
overtake me.
seeing my boyfriend go down a road of destruction lately...
...i introduced him to pot, i showed him it was ok to show feelings..
but copying me is never a good idea.
because it will take you somewhere.
you will look at yourself more clearly, those glittering eyes,
will then look at me,'
and then you will notice that im not right.
im not right for you.
because of who you became.
never copy me.
ever.
i want to be one of those girls that people point at and say
"i wish my life was like hers, i wish i was her"
i am the evil twin of what you want.
beware.
stacks: of emotions, do you stab them from wrapping around your ankles
and pulling you in?
or do you close your eyes and let them overtake you?
stacks: memories, do they keep you sane or make you crazy..
stacks: of your poison, what do you crave?
is it worth it?
stacks: the stepping stones, the stairs,the people that help
you get beyond....where are they?
(btw i read "girl,interrupted" its short..but written beautifully, and
even though its about her being in a mental hospital. i relate to it)
i also read the book "white oleander" this week...just as great.
stacks: of happiness.desire.happiness. find me.
im sorry i dont post often...but please dont forget about me?
i dont forget the people on here,xanga is constantly what i want to be on.
but sometimes i feel like my post wont help myself or others..so whats the point
